How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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