My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He's on the porch naked. Help.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
