Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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