if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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