a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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