if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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