Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
do herpes really smell.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
