wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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