we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
