we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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