I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
