Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
