Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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