I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
