no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
