you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
