just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
