i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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