THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
