i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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