i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
