I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why do cheetos always look like penises
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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