Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
