You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
