we have officially lost it.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
