Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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