That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
