she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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