I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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