totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
