you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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