Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
