she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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