Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
