I would go down on you faster than GM stock
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
