i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
