I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
