Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
