How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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