My hair reeks of homosexuality.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
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