They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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