90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She even gives head with a lisp.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
