Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
