Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
