just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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