you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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