Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
