booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
