i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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