i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
