Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
