Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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