I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm bleeding and have questions
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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