Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
