the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
