i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
