508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
