I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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