I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
