She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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