New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
