thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
