Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize