Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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