I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize