I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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