Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
