His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
