It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
