Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize