he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
